Saturday, September 29, 2007

Alton Brown gets a case of ass, and grows man-boobs, too!

I confess - I used to really enjoy watching Good Eats. It was fun to watch, informative, and I even tried some of his recipes.

However, not too long ago, I saw an episode or three of The Next Food Network Star. Alton got a case of ass, and asked the judging panel if he could send the contestants home and start over. Yeah, sure. Like you were a big name on the Food TV circuit for a long time, and not an upstart yourself there, Alton, baby. Think about where you came from before you get snarky foot-in-mouth disease. You're not even close to Anthony Bourdain in that category, and your attempts at it really suck compared to Bourdain's polished delivery.

If you watch Iron Chef America, he snipes at Kevin Brauch on occasion, and his "Just walk away" schtick is tiresome at best. I'm sure the chefs have a pretty good idea of when their time's up, Alton, really.

So then there's the Alton-on-the-road series, named Feasting on Asphalt - The River Run. Yes he was a doofus, categorizing a stuffed porcupine as a nutria. I can forgive a city boy that gaffe. But my Gawd, watch the episode where he's wearing a tight-fitting black t-shirt! He definitely needs to spend time with Stacey and Clinton in What Not to Wear, because Alton has some serious man boobs. I mean, they'd make my high-school girlfriend jealous. Dude! He's also blimped up a goodly amount. No doubt about it, Alton has found himself on the receiving end of too much Good Eats, and it appears he needs to hire himself a personal fitness trainer.

So on a whim, I just google the terms Alton and man-boobs. Voila'! Funny he should post about people losing weight, when his definitely-bigger physique and impressive pecs aren't really from doing benchpresses: And now there's the upcoming Next Iron Chef, which already displays Alton's newfound snark. Joy.

Here's a vidcap of him with Minnesota Smorgasbord Lady, (his) mammaries still quite evident:


Anonymous said...

Hares may pull dead lions by the beard.

Anonymous said...

I've been watching the two of these guys for some time. Watching them interact, it's clear to me that there is more to their relationship than meets the eye.

Anonymous said...

The reason I found this post is because I suspect some clandestine love between the two of them.

Anonymous said...

I don't watch The Next Iron Chef so I don't know enough about it to comment as of now but, while it ain't cool to be rude, Kevin Brauch has come off as uncomfortable on camera during ICA's entire run and often seems to be at a loss for words and badly underqualified for a job that requires such an in-depth knowledge of food. I honestly thought, and still think, that he's only kept around because he got the job by knowing someone. ICA is a watered-down enough version of the original but Brauch's perpetually amateur delivery can't even blend in with the rest of the show.

As for his weight? Who cares? Yeah, it's hypocritical to gripe at others while you're putting on weight but the dude is FAR from fat especially for someone who's 50.